I thought I hated hippies before Gaius was born.
But, you see, I didn't hate them enough. That is because I actually read some of their hippy books (probably printed on organic hemp paper) and took some of their hippy parenting advice.
Case in point: co-sleeping.
At first, this seemed like a great idea. All of the hippy books I read on the subjected claimed it was the best thing for the child and parents. Mom and Dad feel good because they know baby is safe and sound, baby feels good because baby feels safe with parents close bye. Awwwww. Such a heart-warming concept.
What the hippies don't tell you, though, is that babies don't like to sleep when Mommy and Daddy are so near.
Why sleep when you can be held, cuddled, kissed, and cooed-at?
Why sleep when you can slap your feet against the floor of the bassinet, shout randomly all night long, break-out of your swaddle over-and-over again, and laugh at Daddy when he gets up to quiet you down?
Why sleep when you can create so much noise that Mommy and Daddy eventually break down and pull you into the bed because that's they only thing they can do to get you quiet?.
And, of course, why sleep once you are in the bed when you can pull Daddy's beard and and punch him in the face all night long?
Why sleep, indeed? I have been to Hell and it is a place where babies sleep in your bedroom.
Last night, Jen and I had enough of the wonderful joys of co-sleeping.
We evicted Gaius from our room and put him in his crib. He was not happy about it. He screamed, kicked, and shrieked for an hour before finally falling to sleep on his own.
And you know what? He was perfectly fine this morning. All smiles, babbling, and ready for his bottle. No worse for the wear as far as I can tell.
Now, I know there are people who will say that we are wounding Gaius on a deeper psychological level by not letting him sleep in our room anymore. To those people, I ask the question, what will hurt him more: not sleeping in our room, or sleeping in a refrigerator box behind Walmart when Mommy and Daddy can't work because of sleep deprivation?
Look, I understand that co-sleeping may work for some people. To those people, please know that I am not trying to detract from your experience or insult you. For us, it didn't work out. And I blame the f*cking hippies, man.
